Bach Was a Bad Ass

Well, all of you out there might think Johan Sebastian Bach was a woos. I know how a lot of people think, "classical music is woosy!" therefore J.S. Bach could not have been tough. After all, if that stuff makes you go to sleep then there's no way he could be a rock star, that must have been the troubadours and trouveres. Well, you are wrong, Back was a bad ass.

Born in Eisenach, Saxony on Mar. 21, 1685, poor little Johan's parents died when he was very young, leaving his older brother as his caretaker. Coming from a musical family, little Johan studied keyboard and voice. His talents at the keyboard were remarkable, but his jealous older brother forbade him to practice the harder music. Of course being told no only increased Johan's thirst for the music. Late at night when his brother was asleep, Johan would sneak out of his room and steal the music his brother hid from him. He would take it back to his room and copy it down, note by note until his pirated manuscripts were complete.

By the time J.S. was 15, he was one of the best keyboard players in Germany. He loved to jam so much, that when he played for the church congregation, he would have to be told to cut the length of his elaborations down. At 18 he was appointed head organist at Neukirche in Arnstadt. His young age spawned jealousy in the students, many being older than their professor. One night on the way home back was attacked by a group of people, and defended himself successfully in a vicious knife fight.

In 1705 Bach went to Lubeck to see one of his fav composers, Dietrich Buxtehude. So what? Lubeck was only a 200 mile walk! Can you walk that far? Right, I didn't think so. He was only supposed to be gone a week, but he loved Buxtehude's music so much he stayed there to chill for a month. Buxtehude saw young Bach's potential, and offered him his daughter's hand in marriage. When Bach took a look at her, he went back to work. When he returned, the bishop was pissed and threw him in jail.

Years later Bach was recognized as one of the greatest composers/keyboardists in all of Europe. At the time there were 2 mail schools of musical style, German and French. Bach was clearly at the forefront of the German school, but what of the French? At the same time lived the great French composer/keyboardist, Francois Couperin. Couperin was know as the greatest French composer in all of Europe, so naturally one day a duel was proposed. The two would meet behind their keyboards to see who was the best in all of Europe. On the day of competition, Bach showed up only to wait for nothing. Francois never showed up to the competition, and Bach played a victory concert alone.

Bach went on to write so much great music, that his name will live on forever. Some of his pieces written hundreds of years ago make some popular groups today look like suckas. His organ pieces still haunt us every Halloween, and his lighter music becomes especially apparent to the public around the holidays.

So if you still think Bach was a weakling just answer me this: have you survived a knife fight, walked 200 miles in one shot, scared your peers away by just showing up and fathered 20 kids? Yea, I didn't think so.